Plumbing Info

2014-15 NBA MVP Stephen Curry is blessed with many things. He’s the point guard on a team that appears bound for unprecedented glory, he can sink 30-footers having handled the ball for only a fraction of a second, his moves can sprain ankles, and he has a beautiful family that will never want for anything, ever. But what gets the #blessed hashtag on his twitter? A new toilet.

That’s right. The man who may very well end up being the greatest shooter in the history of basketball tweeted about his new toilet back in November – but that wasn’t it! When the tweet was brought up in an interview, he again gushed:

“Oh, man, that toilet just makes me happy in life. I bet if I did a case study on my performance since I got that toilet, you’d see the difference. I was in Minnesota when Ayesha told me about it. And the next day I had 46 [points]. There’s a reason for that.”-

Steph Curry Dreaming of Toilet

Steph’s a funny guy, but basketball fans are hilarious: an actual study was done, and it turns out you can find an improbable correlation: Curry’s points per game, field goal percentage, and three-point percentage are all up since his wife’s fateful purchase. A deeper analysis shows that the increases take place largely on the road, with home games seeing a decline in major stat categories post-fancy toilet. Assists at home are up, however.

Questions and theories abound. Is it the longing for his automated toilet experience that gets Curry in the zone? Or is the toilet actually detrimental, as evidenced by his lower home numbers? Is it just one variable amidst a vast expanse of strange training and care techniques (including flashing goggles and sensory deprivation tanks – no, really)? We may never know.

One question that can (and must) be answered: just what kind of toilet is this? Surely, a mere automatic-flush model can’t explain Curry’s elation. Could there be an automated bidet? Does it clean itself with UV light? Can he monitor his health with built-in urinalysis? Is a Squatty Potty involved?

We think the world’s ready for a superstar toilet endorsement. Could this be the first volley of a viral marketing campaign that culminates in the release of a limited edition Curry toilet? We certainly hope so.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *